DATING A DIVORCEE

DATING A DIVORCEE

“Are you sure you have thought it through”?

“Yes, Aunty I have. I have thought long and hard about it and I think I still want to go ahead”. I responded.

“Well your mum and I think you should think longer and harder” my aunt objected.

“Aunty, I have done my homework, he is a good person”, I explained.

“You see, no one is disputing the fact that he is a good person, we also are talking from experience, marrying a divorcee is not as easy as you think. To complicate issues this particular one also has two children”.

“A-u-n-t-y, stop saying it like that; as though having kids is a disease”.

“Sweet heart, we just think that you are young and promising and you deserve better”.

A part of me became a bit scared; I thought I was prepared to face the world to defend our love. I have had to explain this same lines over and over in the past few weeks. Though I already knew people will have their reservations about Onome and I, but I was also certain that our love will conquer all, except of course recently.

Could I possibly be wrong? Could it be true that I am enrolling for some tough time by settling for a divorcee? From what I gathered, Onome suffered a great deal in the hands of his ‘ex’ and I think he deserves better than the abusive relationship he found himself.

He (Onome) told me about the entire ordeal he suffered in the hands of his ex-wife. The lady seems to have been sent from the pit of hell to destroy him. At least from what I heard of her, she had no regard whatsoever for her husband, she was against him having any major investment as she wanted to squander all on expensive jewelries and parties; and to make matters worse she also was an adulterer.

Not only did she disrespect and dishonor her man and the marriage vow, she also abused the kids too. I cannot begin to list all the specific things I learnt she did. From all I have heard I am determined to right all the wrong done to these good people by a woman who is ungrateful about the so much God has entrusted in her care.

On the other hand one profound thing my mum said is that, how am I sure he was not the one that abused the other lady? Since I never met her and I’m not privy to her side of the story. And if really she is a trouble maker the way she had been painted won’t she foment trouble for me in my matrimonial home using her kids as an excuse? What other possible problems could there be?

Should good people be left to suffer forever, with no one to care for them just because they made a mistake with a wrong choice of spouse? Or what do you think?

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Nike Adekunle is the president of SWiM (Sisters, Wives and Mothers} Forum. At SWiM, Nike and her team equips men, women, married and singles with all the information and strategies needed to make relationships and marriage work. In collaboration with members of SWiM, She hosts REALationship Unfeigned (an initiative that promotes healthy relationships) and Roaring Lioness (a prayer focus group). Nike is a relationship coach, marriage counselor, blogger, writer and an author. She currently has four books to her credit. To get her books, visit swimconcepts.org/shop/

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