Emotions are difficult to communicate. They are deep and can be very complicated because sometimes we have mixed feelings. We sometimes suddenly feel very terrible and can’t even tell what triggered the negative feeling. In counseling, I have witnessed several people with feelings they cannot articulate. They know they feel certain pain but can’t trace the source neither can they explain why it hurts.

Let’s examine some reasons why we hide our feelings

  1. Background: The exposure you had in childhood determines how you respond to life. Were your parents hard on you? Were you allowed to express your views? Did your views matter? We need to understand that previous experiences, especially in childhood have taught us all not to be completely honest with our feelings. Parents who always shut their kids up and clamp down on them have succeeded in making them into less confident people who think their views don’t count even when it hurts


  1. Children from tough or over-protective parents always tend to hide the way they truly feel from others because they subconsciously need permission from others to be themselves because they were trained to always seek permission and approval before they did anything as kids


  1. As teenagers, we all learnt how to conform to social norms so as to be liked by others. The problem with living our lives to be liked by others is that it is not sustainable. No one can be truly happy if your happiness is dependent on others. Take charge of your happiness!


  1. Poor self-worth also makes us think what we have to say is insignificant in the scheme of thing. We also feel we are not deserving of being sacrificed for

It is important to be able to lend a voice to your emotions because it makes you unravel yourself more and also helps others understand you better. If you can’t be unraveled then you can’t be loved and appreciated optimally.

It is good to make sacrifices, it is, in fact, one of the best show of love. Make sure you are not the only person making all the sacrifices. Similarly, when you are making plans to be nice to other, please be nice to yourself.

We can see that the problem starts and ends with us as individuals. It has nothing to do with our loved ones who we later vent our anger on. If you can see yourself in this article, I will be glad to hear from you.



Nike Adekunle is the president of SWiM (Sisters, Wives and Mothers} Forum. At SWiM, Nike and her team equips men, women, married and singles with all the information and strategies needed to make relationships and marriage work. In collaboration with members of SWiM, She hosts REALationship Unfeigned (an initiative that promotes healthy relationships) and Roaring Lioness (a prayer focus group). Nike is a relationship coach, marriage counselor, blogger, writer and an author. She currently has four books to her credit. To get her books, visit


  1. Great post Nike. An eye opener article.

  2. Nice piece ma’am very informative.

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