Betrayal in Dating and Marriage

Betrayal in Dating and Marriage

Betrayal in dating and marriage is mostly referred to as “infidelity” or “cheating”. Infidelity or cheating is broken trust or broken loyalty. It is also the violation of emotional/sexual exclusivity in a relationship.  It therefore implies that whatever you are giving your primary loyalty to ahead of your partner is considered infidelity.   If you choose your parents, friends, time, career etc. over your spouse, you are essentially committing an act of infidelity.

Emotional cheating is any relationship with other persons apart from your partner that though does not include physical sex but comprises flirting, sexual chemistry, fantasies and usually hidden from your partner. It is unhealthy because it drains energy from your primary relationship.

Sexual affairs is the most destructive form of infidelity. This type of betrayal is a bit more complex. Discovering your partner has been involved in a sexual affair is more difficult to cope with. The mind sometimes cannot immediately comprehend the betrayal because it takes high level of trust and intimacy to have the courage to commit to a love relationship with someone in the first place. It is justifiably expected that there should be mutual respect, commitment and consideration for each other.

The feelings generated from discovering a cheating partner may be varied. You are mad at your partner, but you’re also experiencing painful thoughts about yourself. You wonder who you are and what you mean to your partner.

Sometimes you wonder if you did anything to cause it or it was solely their indiscretion. Some betrayed partner may begin to second guess themselves, while others may begin to doubt their attractiveness or self-worth. It also brings to bear issues such as unsatisfaction with the relationship, not being considered good enough, indiscipline and the fear of diseases. Some people feel betrayal and stupid for believing lies and all the cover ups their partner sold to them during the period of the affair.

Whatever the case may be, there is a need to make a number of decisions after an affair has been discovered. Should you gather your dignity and end the relationship? Or, is there a way to maintain your dignity while attempting to heal and rebuild trust? Can trust ever be rebuilt? What should your reaction be if your partner expresses remorse? What if he’s/she’s not? Would it be courageous risk to give your partner another chance or a foolish mistake to trust again?

Whatever your initial response to this disheartening situation is, know that you owe yourself the obligation to steer clear of unhealthy emotions that will most likely hurt you more than the infidelity itself. Even in the midst of the ensuing hurt, pain or disappointment, keep calm so as to avoid complicating issues further.

Rather than act impulsively, it may be wise to take time out to sort out your feelings. Find your own peace and clarity before attending to your partner or addressing the situation. Discern what’s best for you because each circumstances vary greatly and our personal tolerances for uncertainty and emotional pain differ.

By all means determine to let go of the pain, whether or not you decide to go ahead with the relationship. Do not give room for bitterness it makes you become fixated. Fixation will usher in depression.You don’t want to be taken down by another person’s wrong-doing.

Remember, every situation, however negative, can be optimized to your advantage.   Determine to learn from the experience and move on.

I pray for you that you would find grace to pick up yourself and live again. The next post will be addressing how best to move on. See you then!



Nike Adekunle is the president of SWiM (Sisters, Wives and Mothers} Forum. At SWiM, Nike and her team equips men, women, married and singles with all the information and strategies needed to make relationships and marriage work. In collaboration with members of SWiM, She hosts REALationship Unfeigned (an initiative that promotes healthy relationships) and Roaring Lioness (a prayer focus group). Nike is a relationship coach, marriage counselor, blogger, writer and an author. She currently has four books to her credit. To get her books, visit

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