Understanding your Emotions

How to effective communicate emotional language in Marriage and Relationships

Expressing your emotions aptly in relationship determine to what extent you are likely to enjoy your relationship. Without doubt, we are all emotional beings, no matter how much we claim our decisions are logical and emotions free, the truth is most of our decisions are predicated on past experiences and the corresponding emotion that was derived.

Can you safely categorize your feelings? Do you know how to truthfully and respectfully communicate your feelings?We all have learned to hide, deny or package our emotions, some people even believe that only weaklings discuss their feelings but let me emphatically state that, you are unlikely to fully enjoy your relationship or bond deeply with your spouse or partner if you don’t understand or can’t adequately communicate your emotions.

Everyone, whether consciously or subconsciously wants, to be understood on a deep level. To know someone beyond the peripheral means you are both willing to divulge sensitive information about yourselves without the fear of judgment.

Being able to trust your partner with your feelings is a huge part of having a great relationship. When you share something intimately personal, how does your partner react to your disclosure? Are they supportive or make you feel weird? The way they handle the information determines whether trust is built or broken. If well-handled, it could even give you more strength to deal with whatever the issues are which in turn builds more trust and dependency. On the contrary, if the information is not well handled, it could meet with a resolve not to be that vulnerable again in future.

Before you can communicate at this level, you must be able to read your emotional cues, understand them and then interpret them. You should also understand the timing, triggers and the underlying thoughts behind certain emotions. Do you understand how you feel when you are excited, nervous, afraid, worried, relieved, angry, violated, sad, ashamed, indifferent, happy, expectant, threatened, insecure, happy etc. You need to be able to adequately label how you feel per time. No one can understand you if you don’t understand yourself.

We all bond with people we are able to establish similarities and common-grounds with, I call it “me-too moments”. Shallow relationships remain on the ‘me-too’ levels but deeper and stronger bonds are formed when you seek to understand people’s unfamiliar moments and understand them. This catapults your relationship to a whole new level and as a result, you will be comfortable to talk about your fears and struggles without shame or blame.


Next week, we’ll explore more details on understanding the nature of emotions. Why do we feel the way you feel? Are these feelings always real? Can they be trusted?

Let me know if you have struggles interpreting your emotions or with people not understanding how you feel in the comment below


Nike Adekunle is the president of SWiM (Sisters, Wives and Mothers} Forum. At SWiM, Nike and her team equips men, women, married and singles with all the information and strategies needed to make relationships and marriage work. In collaboration with members of SWiM, She hosts REALationship Unfeigned (an initiative that promotes healthy relationships) and Roaring Lioness (a prayer focus group). Nike is a relationship coach, marriage counselor, blogger, writer and an author. She currently has four books to her credit. To get her books, visit swimconcepts.org/shop/

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