A wise woman's attitude to sex

Wives listen up, we need to talk. Congratulations for coming this far, you are one of the lucky ones that got him to commit to you in marriage. But guess what? Part of the reason why he married you was because he anticipated and fantasied about having great sex with you.

Ladies you need to come to terms with this fact, sex is very, very important to your husband. Regardless of how often or infrequent your husband thinks or talks about sex, make no mistake, it is a vital aspect of who he is as a man.

One of the winning skills any woman should strive to possess is the bedroom winning strategy. That is definitely not the only skill you’ll need but it is definitely a good one to have. When you conquer in the bedroom, it eases so much tension in your home and you get your husband’s cooperation for bigger conquest in other areas.

Unfortunately, men and women don’t perceive life the same way, especially in the expression of romance and sex. Little wonder they say men are from Mars and women from Venus. I know you are mostly focused on love and romance but your husband is focused on sex.

I know how this makes you feel, you feel he’s selfish, uncaring and unromantic. I know you need to feel emotionally connected before you feel safe enough to give yourself, I understand you don’t want to simply be a medium of release, I know you prefer romance to love making. I know you think sometimes foreplay is skipped too quickly. I know you need reassurance that sex means more than just the physical intimacy and so on.  Listen up, what sex means to you is not what sex means to him; you only need to find the right balance.

On the other hand, it is baffling to men when they are called selfish because of their preference for sexual connection. This is because from the moment his partner gets turned on till their pleasure is spent, his main objective is to satisfy his partner. In their hearts, there is an expectation of mutual, beautiful pleasure that should be jointly derived from the experience.

I need you to think like a wise woman would. It has been said often that in marriage, it is not about putting your needs first. When you put your husband’s need first, mysteriously your own needs are met. I don’t understand how this happens, but I guess that’s just how God intends the game to be played.

Instead of getting angry the next time your husband asks for sex or gets sexually stimulated, think again. Before you accuse him of dwelling too much on sexual thoughts or being selfish, think like a wise woman would. A wise woman would think of creating a win-win scenario from the situation. It is always easier to surf the waves than to create one, which you lack the capacity to create anyway!

Our needs though it looks mutually exclusive is eventually mutually beneficial. We just need to understand the sequence. Consider these facts:

  1. You want emotional connection before having a physical connection, but for your husband sexual connection is often necessary to feel safe enough for emotional vulnerability
  2. You want to feel secure to have sex, he will secure you afterwards.
  3. You want to be loved before sex. Your husband has the capacity to love more after he’s had sex

Surveys carried out on men and their sexual needs, reported that the vast majority of men indicated that mutual pleasure and female initiation of sex were among their primary sexual needs. Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity, faith, and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship.

To harness the benefit of love making with your husband, understand what sex means to your husband (as discussed in the previous edition). Understand that meeting his sexual needs makes you the only person with whom his greatest needs can be met without guilt. Then you should seek to please him knowing that in meeting his needs, yours is also being met in the process. It is not a manipulative tool, it just helps us practice selflessness. Keep winning!



Want to know more about SEX? Download our free resource guide on SEX here.


According to statistics, one of the major causes of divorce is SEX & yet people don’t want to talk about it in public. However, it’s an interesting topic that needs to be demystified. So why not join us on Sunday, 26th August 2018 at Valencia hotels and LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX. To attend, click HERE


Nike Adekunle is the president of SWiM (Sisters, Wives and Mothers} Forum. At SWiM, Nike and her team equips men, women, married and singles with all the information and strategies needed to make relationships and marriage work. In collaboration with members of SWiM, She hosts REALationship Unfeigned (an initiative that promotes healthy relationships) and Roaring Lioness (a prayer focus group). Nike is a relationship coach, marriage counselor, blogger, writer and an author. She currently has four books to her credit. To get her books, visit swimconcepts.org/shop/

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