sex - a married men's perspective

The rules that apply to marriage is quite different from the guiding rules of relationships before marriage. Most people get this fact twisted and pay dearly for it.

Sex in marriage is a world apart from sex outside marriage, especially for men.  We all have heard that sex is very, very important to a man. Research consistently shows that men think about sex a handful of times more than women daily. The truth is, men who avoid or minimize the impact of sex in their lives do so because of past painful experiences or because of the fear of future failure. Having said that (as discussed in the last article) a single man’s assessment of sex and his sexual partner is not the same as within the context of marriage.

Ladies think common synonyms of sex to a guy include: night, dating, wedding, marriage, pregnancy, vacation, home alone with wife, children away on vacation etc. Most women also think sex is mostly physical for a guy but it is not true; our needs, its expression and how it is met are just different. It is therefore critical to explore what sex means to a man.


  • For a man, sex is a deep and special way of building intimacy. It is important to note that the more a man has sexual intimacy with his wife the more in love towards her he feels. This only works within the confines of marriage because the man is also very logical, which may mitigate against this outside marriage.


  • Sex is the way men show love. Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner. Men show relative generosity and unselfishness during sex because his most sexually satisfying moments are when he is able to please his wife. Also a sexually satisfied man is better equipped to treat his partner better outside the bedroom.


  • Sex spurs faith and optimism. When a man is satisfied sexually, the hormonal energy gives him the drive and aggression to pursue his life’s purpose and work, and to pursue his partner. He pushes through his day to day activities by the fantasy of a sexual reward at the end of a hard day. Good sex gives him motivation to achieve his set goals.


  • The male ego is often tied to sex. A man’s ego can be very fragile. Why sex is important is because most often sex is tied to his ego since that is what motivates him, keeps him going. It is so important for him to please his woman and if she dismisses him constantly, you will hurt his ego, then he may take it very personal.


  • Sex is love: sexual release makes men feel loved. After the world’s hurts and challenges, sex embodies love and care and provides soothing support. Most men want and feel a much more emotional connection than a simple bodily release.


  • Sex is reassurance: Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship. While most women may wish for emotional connection before having a physical connection, for men sexual connection is often necessary to feel safe enough for emotional vulnerability.


  • Sex is excitement: It is a very thrilling adventure. His body is a great pleasure machine that he’d like to enjoy to maximum whether fantasized or real. His brain waves spike with excitement just at the hint of something or someone reminding him of sex.





Nike Adekunle is the president of SWiM (Sisters, Wives and Mothers} Forum. At SWiM, Nike and her team equips men, women, married and singles with all the information and strategies needed to make relationships and marriage work. In collaboration with members of SWiM, She hosts REALationship Unfeigned (an initiative that promotes healthy relationships) and Roaring Lioness (a prayer focus group). Nike is a relationship coach, marriage counselor, blogger, writer and an author. She currently has four books to her credit. To get her books, visit

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