According to Max Lucado, “Conflicts are inevitable, but combats are optional”. This statement is very profound. We may not have control over situations that create conflicts but we could determine how we react and respond to such situations.

What mind-set should we have to prevent conflicts from degenerating into combats? One healthy mindset to possess is a learning mindset. You will learn about yourself and your partner if you embrace a right attitude to conflict.

Veshnyaki Learning about your partner: One mind-set you should possess when dealing with conflict is that, conflict comes to help us learn more about ourselves more intimately.

If we admit that we all are a combination of strengths and weakness, then it will be easier to admit that we all have our vices. This realization humbles us to accept that we are all susceptible to hurting our partners even when we have the best intentions.

Accepting that we can hurt our partner unintentionally should therefore make us attentive to our partner when they complain about how our words or actions actually hurt them. This has nothing to do with the presence or absence of love in a relationship, it speaks more to the maturity of the individuals in the relationship.

Conflicts sometimes present opportunities to learn about your partner. It grants you access into your partner’s world.  We could learn their communication style, apology language, their fears and their desires. If you don’t want to have a plastic relationship you should be interested to learn what infuriates your partner instead of just letting them pretend that everything is OK.

Guess why your partner will even bother complaining about how you hurt them  in the first place; it will majorly because they are seeking a deeper connection with you. Think about it.

Reflect on this: in your relationship what are those things that you talk about frequently with your partner that cause friction or conflict? Now think about what you could have learnt that you are missing from those experiences.



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